My Heart My Hair

In New Zealand
I arrived as a blonde
but my Kiwi lover hated blondes
said his ex was a blonde and he
swore he would never go for a blonde again
so I dyed my hair red and my Kiwi
lover still curled his body away from me
in our bed

In New York
new headshots by Guler Ugur
shot on the streets of the Lower East Side
shooting in front of a white
handball court
while young people graciously
gave up their game
New York can be that way

Then off to Essex Street
where I changed my shirt
at the top of the stairs
in a dark corner
where a man below watched
while pretending not to

I am grateful for Guler’s talent
and her love and friendship.
The giggles we shared
after not seeing each other
for a year was worth the trip
back to New York

But now in Canada my family says
ewwwwwuuuuuuu hate the red
go back to being a blonde
who will I listen to?
my photographer?
my Kiwi Lover?
my heart?
Oh heart how I have turned
my back on you before