Monday, September 17, 2012

dangerous diane scam. dangerous diane is not on face book

A facebook post entitled:  dangerous diane scam.
This is bizarre. I can't always google my name to see who is using it - there are too many listings but this one is a bit disturbing.

I am not in Spain. I am not stranded. I am not asking for money.
I am not even on facebook, an advertising device to obtain personal information to sell to marketers.

But if you want to send me money, you can always make a comment here about why you want to send me money and I will consider your offer. Being unemployed (not by choice) for the first time in my entire life, all donations will be considered.

A little research revealed that this facebook page was posted by Casey of Ch 2 news in Utah.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

President's Diary 9-11-21 WHAT IF?

What if.....
The President of the USA was just another Reality TV Show.

The President's Diary
(Books are So Yesterday)
Monday September 11, 2021. 

Today I had to do a commemorating thing for the 20th anniversary of 911, but I didn’t have to go to Ground Zero. Thank god. New York is full of highfalutin weirdoes who want to take me to the ballet or talk about education. Just the word education is so yesterday. I gave a speech in the Oval Office about freedoms – without a teleprompter, thank you. I wore my red dress with the blue and white trim.  It matched the flag. I got a lot of compliments from the staff.

I met a new secret service agent at the after party after the press conference last night. He looks like Justin Bieber, only younger. I invited him to run my eight miles with me this morning. He is so cute. He showed me his six-pack and I winked at him. (I’m so bad.) The run cleared my head - too many daiquiris last night.

The renovations are finally done. A lot of stuff they said I couldn’t touch.  Are they kidding me? I’m the President. Please! Anyhow, I didn’t care because the trophy rooms are perfect. The gold and silver trophies and all the rhinestones in the tiaras are so beautiful and sparkly they hurt your eyes. The gold is not real, of course, but it looks real and that is better than the real thing. Sugar Baby’s trophies are on display in her own trophy room. Now all those people who come for the tour won’t be asking me the same question over and over: “Which trophies are Sugar Baby’s?” Only six years old and Sugar Baby has already won thousands of trophies, just like her mother. She is not only beautiful – even more so since her highlights – she is smart.  She said when she grows up she wants to be Miss America and the President!  (How cute is that?)

Afternoon tea (Ha Ha) was spent with the girls from my jewelry-making class. They loved the champagne and double chocolate cake - made with real cane sugar, thank you. They were a little nervous with the cameras but it’s routine for me after growing up in my mother’s “All American Scrap Making Reality TV Show”.  The champagne went straight to my head! I told the girls that I dropped my towel one morning when I came out of the shower to give the secret service in the control room something to wake up with.  (They really laughed at that one.)

Before the girls left Sugar Baby performed her Marilyn Monroe routine and sang “Happy Birthday Mr. President.” (So cute). I’m sewing an Elvis outfit to prove that I am not sexualizing her. Even saying the word sex with pageants makes me ill.  Rehearsing Sugar Baby’s pageant routines is hard work but as I remind the VP everyday, I’m a pageant mom before I’m the President.

The best thing I have done in my presidency is to repeal Roe vs. Wade.  Now I am part of every future mother’s happiness in this great country of ours that was founded on freedoms. As soon as I get “legitimate rape” into the abortion ban law, I’m a shoe-in for a second term.

Before bed I drank a cup of cocoa and worked on my book, a memoir for prosperity. Why they still call them books anymore is beyond me. Books are so yesterday! 

The Making of a Psycho Killer on the Bus

Found Drama: Mother & Son on the Bus
Dollar Bus, North Bergen, NJ.

The Making of a Psycho Killer on the Bus

Mommy, can we go to the park?
Because I said so.
But why?
I said so!  That's why!
I wanna play in the park.
Play.  Play.  Play.  That's all you think about.
No it isn't.
Shush! I'm on the phone.  Hello?
Shut up.  Sorry, I'm on the bus.  Hello? What?  Hello? Shit!
Mommy, can we go to the park?
No is no!  What part of no don't you understand fool?
I'm gonna play at home.
Play.  Play.  Play.  All you do is play.  All I do is work work work so you can play play play.  Hello?  Hey baby, how you doing?  I'm doing good now that I hear your voice again.
Shut the fuck up.  Can't you see I'm talking!  I'm on the bus.  With the kid.  Oh, baby stop it.  You makin' me hot.
I want to go to the park.
You give me a fucking headache.
Pleeeeease mommy.  Please, please, please.
Five minutes.  When I say it's time to go home I don't want to hear no shit. You understand?  No fucking shit.
Thank you mommy.  I love you mommy.
I love you too baby.

Found Drama: Mother & Twins Hoboken

Since my continuing unemployment status I have a view of the world I didn't see when I was shut up in a 9 to 5 cubical: other people's children.

Mother & Twins. Hoboken

Willow Avenue.  Morning. Mother drinking coffee pushing her twins in double stroller.

Baby Twin One:
I wanna go to the park

Baby Twin Two
I wanna go to the park

Do you mind sweeties if we go the CVS first? We can go to the park after. Is that okay? Do you mind? Sweeties?

Baby Twin One
No. I wanna go to the park.

Baby Twin Two
No. I wanna go to the park.

I only need to pick up a few things. Okay?

Baby Twin One

Baby Twin Two