Billy in the Light

My cousin Billy died today
for years he would call me
in New York from Canada
when he was drunk
Then
the next night when he got drunk
he would call me again
to apologize for calling me when
he was drunk.
(I had to laugh.)

Then he made it.
For one whole year he called me sober
We talked a lot about when we were kids
Swimming in Lake St. Claire in Belle River
where I am at this moment writing
this, remembering him.

Billy struggled with his addictions
He called me the night he went out
And since then he did things
some people find unforgivable
Now the living are reliving their pain
on this day, the day of Billy’s death.

Today I went to church with Dad
we tried to light a candle
(they’re electric now at St. Jude Church)
but the green and blue plastic candles
refused my touch

Here is a photo of a sunset on the
lake we played in as kids
I’m putting Billy in the setting sun
in the memory of light

There is a lot of wind outside my window
and a rattling that is shaking me to the bone
I wish for Billy to be able to move on
find his way
and for the living to find forgiveness
in their hearts.

August 19, 2006