The President of the USA was just another Reality TV Show.
The President's Diary
(Books are So Yesterday)
Monday September 11, 2021.
Today I had to do a commemorating
thing for the 20th anniversary of 911, but I didn’t have to go to Ground Zero.
Thank god. New York is full of highfalutin weirdoes who want to take me to the
ballet or talk about education. Just the word education is so yesterday. I gave
a speech in the Oval Office about freedoms – without a teleprompter, thank you.
I wore my red dress with the blue and white trim. It matched the flag. I got a lot of compliments from the
staff.
I met a new secret service agent
at the after party after the press conference last night. He looks like Justin
Bieber, only younger. I invited him to run my eight miles with me this morning.
He is so cute. He showed me his six-pack and I winked at him. (I’m so bad.)
The run cleared my head - too many daiquiris last night.
The renovations are finally done.
A lot of stuff they said I couldn’t touch. Are they kidding me? I’m the President. Please! Anyhow, I
didn’t care because the trophy rooms are perfect. The gold and silver trophies
and all the rhinestones in the tiaras are so beautiful and sparkly they hurt
your eyes. The gold is not real, of course, but it looks real and that is
better than the real thing. Sugar Baby’s trophies are on display in her own
trophy room. Now all those people who come for the tour won’t be asking me the
same question over and over: “Which trophies are Sugar Baby’s?” Only six years
old and Sugar Baby has already won thousands of trophies, just like her mother.
She is not only beautiful – even more so since her highlights – she is smart. She said when she grows up she wants to
be Miss America and the President!
(How cute is that?)
Afternoon tea (Ha Ha) was spent
with the girls from my jewelry-making class. They loved the champagne and
double chocolate cake - made with real cane sugar, thank you. They were a
little nervous with the cameras but it’s routine for me after growing up in my
mother’s “All American Scrap Making Reality TV Show”. The champagne went straight to my head! I told the girls
that I dropped my towel one morning when I came out of the shower to give the
secret service in the control room something to wake up with. (They really laughed at that one.)
Before the girls left Sugar Baby
performed her Marilyn Monroe routine and sang “Happy Birthday Mr. President.”
(So cute). I’m sewing an Elvis outfit to prove that I am not sexualizing her.
Even saying the word sex with pageants makes me ill. Rehearsing Sugar Baby’s pageant routines is hard work but as
I remind the VP everyday, I’m a pageant mom before I’m the President.
The best thing I have done in my
presidency is to repeal Roe vs. Wade.
Now I am part of every future mother’s happiness in this great country
of ours that was founded on freedoms. As soon as I get “legitimate rape” into
the abortion ban law, I’m a shoe-in for a second term.
Before bed I drank a cup of cocoa
and worked on my book, a memoir for prosperity. Why they still call them books
anymore is beyond me. Books are so yesterday!
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