Al Pacino

My favorite sign in the small town of Belle River, Ontario where I've been visiting family in Canada. A fond memory of Al Pacino: When I was working at the Actors Studio under the direction of Estelle Parsons for an Oedipus show Pacino was rehearsing, Al Pacino asked me to get him a hot chocolate. When I served him I held the cup out to him in a way that Al would have to touch my finger when he took the cup. I would like to say I was fourteen when this happend but in fact it was only a few years ago.

Blind Eye

It wasn't until I looked up while squatting in a women's toilet in Louisville, Kentucky, that I noticed a moving (and life size) eye staring at me from above the stall door. It was an installation by Sean Bidic, entitled, "in the absence of voyeurism". Proof Bar/Restaurant/Gallery. Sept., 2006. It was a surreal moment to be watched while pissing, and then to come out of the stall and see there were many moving eyes that didn't quite look right all over the mirror. On the side of the mirror I read the artists' statement: "... the blind eyes of seven people from a blind dart throwing group are captured on individual video and displayed on life-size LCD monitors embedded in mirrors. ..” It was interactive art without consent, just like the presence of voyeurism, but that may depend on which end of the voyeuristic stick one is on.

Art Gallery of Ontario

Toronto, Ontario. Museum under construction.
This museum is the eighth largest in North America where I learned from an exhibit that all that I am and all that I see was built on the backs of child slavery as young as four years old. Laws were eventually made to raise the age, lower the hours and at some point they were even paid. The museum is across the street from the Four Seasons Hotel where I stayed with my sister and parents: the gym was free, with a hot sauna and a heated pool and the disposable bathing suit was only ten dollars.

I Inherited A Crack House

I inherited a Crack House.

Dad and I interred my cousin Billy’s ashes today with his deceased mother Lenora at Greenlawn Memorial. No one else was there. Grieving time is over, reality sets in: Lawyers want $275/hour to put the estate through probate, a necessary legal process when there is no will. Lawyers will not predict how long and how many hours it could take, no ceiling on their fees, but tell me with sincerity that it is well worth it to go forward!

Cousin Billy always told me he wanted me to have his house because I was the only relative who would speak to him. As an addict I know it was not Billy who did the things he did, or said the things he said when he was high...But now, there is nothing to do but put the antifreeze in the pipes, turn off the water, pay the neighbor kid to cut the grass, and let nature take its course -- which is unpredictable -- but probably means the Queen will take it when the unpaid taxes come due.

Since Billy was on the dole, I guess what goes around has come around. Sorry Billy. But at least your last wish has come true, you and mother are together in death forever... Goodbye Sweet Billy. May you rest in peace.
September 22, 2006

Update on identity theft

Dangerous Diane, Detroit, 2005

Finally. Myspace.com removed the false pages of my identity. So now it's the real me on soundclick.com and myspace.com. It's quite a violation of one's spirit to see fraud and theft of your name, image, music, work, and to read things attributed to you that you never said!!! I hope my karma is up on this one.

Gateway to the South

Louisville, Kentucky. Gateway to the South where I am treated like a queen in this land of southern hospitality, Churchill Downs & the Kentucky Derby, and the burial ground of Colonel Sanders of Kentucky Fried Chicken fame.

I was treated to a massage and pedicure and later I danced to Jimi Hendrix prompting me to think of J and sending off an email to him in New Zealand. J is a big Hendrix fan and tells me I missed the coldest winter in NZ.

I am being driven around in a 2006 911 Porsche, tooling down the highway and back streets of Louisville where Tom Cruise used to play.

Andy the Roc Doc took us out to the theatre where we saw a NY play, “Gone Missing” at the Actors Theatre, home to the famous ten-minute play festival and where I blew positive energy kisses into the space in hopes of acceptance of my short play about NZ, which I submitted almost a year ago.

Last night we went to a dinner party at Larry and Ed’s with other guests, friend Henry and international torch singer and star Barbara Sodd. Barbara and Larry have played music together for years but last night Larry’s vegetarian lasagna (with only a little meat in the sauce) was top billing. There was also ‘fall on the floor laughing’ jokes and many hugs. I felt right at home. When we left, I walked down the porch steps passing a ceramic dog who wags his tail and farts, when you clap your hands (you had to be there),

I miss NZ, like an ache in my belly she is calling to me.

Lenore & Billy Fire

Mother & Son
together in the fire
ashes blowing over
Lake St. Claire
survivors watch
drink tea
tell stories
laugh
cry
why

Madonna Waterfall

Madonna Waterfall, New Zealand
Untouched photo of the miraculous appearance of the Madonna in a waterfall while hiking in a secret location in the South Island while contemplating if I should move to NZ to be with my Kiwi lover or stay in New York and be famous.

Truth or Fiction

“An autobiography can distort, facts can be realigned.
But fiction never lies; it reveals the writer totally.”
VS Naipaul

St. Patrick's Cathedral, NY, August 2006

Boundaries

NF asked,
Boundaries....do you have any?
*******************************

Dancing under the moon light
In a farmer’s field
Feeling the pulse of the band in the barn
I let go
And decide
No

Soundclick & Myspace Update

Kudos to soundclick.com. This space has removed all the fraud that was posted under my name: images, music, everything. They read my email and acted.

Re: myspace.com: despite many emails in the past two weeks I have yet to hear from them regarding stolen images and the illegal posting and sale of my music; Even worse, someone claiming to be me is saying things as if she/he is me, making me sound like a bitter castrating victim of outer space.

Billy's Funeral Today

funerals make me sad
funerals make me cry
this feeling is so overwhelming
it feels like it will never die

Dad, Belle River

Dad

My 83 year old dad plays tennis six days a week
I’ve been helping him around the cottage
hammering, painting, climbing ten foot ladders
walking on roof tops

Today we took a canoe trip on Lake St. Claire
on the way we were in total sync in the stillness
the lake like glass
coming back we paddled in circles
and laughed our bums off

He says when he looks in the mirror
he can’t believe it
how did he get here? How did he get old?
He wants to see New Zealand but doesn’t know

He’s reading Wuthering Heights
he can’t believe it he says
how beautiful the story is
and how many stories must be lost
because they were written by women
so long ago

Go to Alberta Dad says
you’ll get rich teaching yoga
they need you there...
they are all working too hard
discovering the oil

august 24, 2006

Update Disclaimer Soundclick

Soundclick.com got back to me immediately and deleted the fraudulent pages. I have created my own web pages to prevent any future theft of my names again: The Dangerous Diane Band and Dangerous Diane. Still waiting to hear from myspace.

Dangerous Diane & Dangerous Diane Band DISCLAIMER

There are two sites (Myspace and soundclick) with unauthorized pages with my name, music, image and chats putting words in my mouth that make me sound like an idot: Dangerous Diane and the Dangerous Diane Band.

It is flattering that someone wants to be me but it is quite alarming to have someone say things in my name that are not true. Therefore, while this is pending, if there are any inquiries about me, please contact me at this blog while this matter is being settled.

Sunset for Billy

Lake St. Claire, Belle River, Ontario, Canada

Billy in the Light

My cousin Billy died today
for years he would call me
in New York from Canada
when he was drunk
Then
the next night when he got drunk
he would call me again
to apologize for calling me when
he was drunk.
(I had to laugh.)

Then he made it.
For one whole year he called me sober
We talked a lot about when we were kids
Swimming in Lake St. Claire in Belle River
where I am at this moment writing
this, remembering him.

Billy struggled with his addictions
He called me the night he went out
And since then he did things
some people find unforgivable
Now the living are reliving their pain
on this day, the day of Billy’s death.

Today I went to church with Dad
we tried to light a candle
(they’re electric now at St. Jude Church)
but the green and blue plastic candles
refused my touch

Here is a photo of a sunset on the
lake we played in as kids
I’m putting Billy in the setting sun
in the memory of light

There is a lot of wind outside my window
and a rattling that is shaking me to the bone
I wish for Billy to be able to move on
find his way
and for the living to find forgiveness
in their hearts.

August 19, 2006

My Heart My Hair

In New Zealand
I arrived as a blonde
but my Kiwi lover hated blondes
said his ex was a blonde and he
swore he would never go for a blonde again
so I dyed my hair red and my Kiwi
lover still curled his body away from me
in our bed

In New York
new headshots by Guler Ugur
shot on the streets of the Lower East Side
shooting in front of a white
handball court
while young people graciously
gave up their game
New York can be that way

Then off to Essex Street
where I changed my shirt
at the top of the stairs
in a dark corner
where a man below watched
while pretending not to

I am grateful for Guler’s talent
and her love and friendship.
The giggles we shared
after not seeing each other
for a year was worth the trip
back to New York

But now in Canada my family says
ewwwwwuuuuuuu hate the red
go back to being a blonde
who will I listen to?
my photographer?
my Kiwi Lover?
my heart?
Oh heart how I have turned
my back on you before

Judge

Judge

If I will not judge someone who steals food
why
would I judge someone who steals a guitar

if I cannot understand my own sister’s pain
why am I surprised there is war

august 14, 2006
Photo: Seward Park, East Broadway, New York City

Drunk Dentist

the day was hot
the dentist was drunk
the work was gone
the friends came by

I had the opportunity
but not the desire
gave up again
better than
giving in
either way
it’s okay

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

Dawn Bonny Bindi & Me.

White sheer curtains
blowing and singing
first track
Sex Pistols
second track
Krishna das

sharing berries and pie
laughing all the while
girls just wanna have fun
in the heat in the city

New York in the summer
house-sitting for Bonny
in the west village
grateful for good company
and air conditioning
from the gods


Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

Carmine Street Guitars

My friend Norman who is a great musician said to take my guitar to Kelly at Carmine Street Guitars in the West Village. Kelly made the adjustments that make this guitar beautiful and he did it all for an amazing price. I am very pleased and grateful to Kelly for his work. Carmine Guitars is at 42 Carmine Street between Sixth and Seventh Avenue. The building was built in 1826. Kelly says what makes it distinctive as landmark building is the peak on top.


The back room used to be a speakeasy during prohibition in the early part of the 20th century. Here Kelly makes, repairs and does everything else you can think of with guitars. Kelly builds unique solid body guitars, crafted by hand, selecting the wood himself. The wood is aged at least 80 years. According to Kelly, “This vintage wood gives the guitar its musical soul.”


He also sells strings at the best price I have ever seen in a music store in this town. Check out, Carmine Street Guitars. http://www.KellyGuitars.com

My guitar has a new home, thanks to Kelly.

Norman and the Buddha, with my guitar.

War Is Over

My friend Merry Fortune was giving away her guitar so she gave it to me. She said it was a beat up guitar with awful action that didn’t like the heat. I don’t have a picture of Merry but everyone on the poetry scene thinks she’s me and I’m here. We don’t get it. But she is a great activist. Here’s a photo of a banner erected by http://www.joinutopia.com. Merry would approve. And I love her name.

Susan Hayward and Salvation Army Shoes

1953 Susan Hayward plays a drunken starlet in the real life story, "I'll Cry Tomorrow". Considering the date the movie treated Alcoholics Anonymous with some dignity. Susan's drunk acting though clearly showed she was working from the outside in. A few belts might have helped. Or maybe, she had a few belts and that made her go nuts. I DON'T WANT A DRINK. I HAVE TO HAVE A DRINK. GIVE ME A DRINK. Thrash trash thrash, fall to the floor. Pretty cool seeing New York in the 50's in black and white. Shoes from Salvation Army, $7.50, that's $12.0115 in Kiwi Dollars. Shoes satin, not leather. Latter info provided to friends who are trying to catch me consuming animals. Love Animals, Don't Eat Them, Don’t Wear Them.

100 degrees today

The temperature hit 100 degrees F today. That's 37.7777 C. Dripping in sweat. Photo by Guler Ugur.

Tribes Gallery more photos

More photos at Tribes. John Farris, poet and artist extraordinaire with Bonny Finberg in background. Hat message: TALK TO DA BOMB. Photo of me and John by Bonny Finberg, siren writer.

Dinner with Dana

Dinner with Daughter

A Mediterranean feast including green olives imported from Israel, and fragrant spices from Lebanon, bought at a nearby Jewish store on the LES. They go well together, compliment in each other on the table, in our mouths. This is New York, culturally diverse, everything at our fingertips to enjoy. New York is easy to love. The USA, how easy it is to love her and want to leave her.

All through dinner we listened to Leonard Cohen, first time for Dana. What a thrill to introduce my daughter to this man and enjoy the same music together. We have been away from each other for the past year and missed our meetings for food, talk and laughs.

Laughing self-portrait

Self Portrait Smiley Pants

Self Portrait Smiley Under Pants

Yesterday I bought five pairs of panties from a store that said: “No Return of Underwear.” Not one fit.

Today I bought three pairs of panties form a store with a sign that said: “No Return of Underwear. No Arguments.” They don’t fit, but one has a nice message.

Today I looked at myself naked.

There are long, hair-thin red lines across my body: arms, breasts, belly. They are slightly raised like a fresh tattoo. Where have they come from? I’ve been touched by something so light I didn’t feel its arrival. In my bed? In the store? At the dentists’? Or is it here on Canal Street penetrating through windows tightly closed to keep out the heat of the city. In this air conditioned home, am I living in a haunted apartment? Or did Ma B the curious ghost in Pukerua Bay follow me to New York from New Zealand? The air conditioner is old. Is it the same one that sat in the window prior to 9/11? If so, then I am living with many ghosts trapped in this city where the living won’t let them go.

Steve Cannon, Tribes Gallery, NY

Saturday, July 30, 2006
Getting some sugar from Steve